I Shouldn't

So I shut my eyes as tightly as I could

Believing it would stop the tears from falling

Opened my eyes a little and the hope of having anything

slipped right from my hand

Then it became evident from the tears that fell endlessly

That my pillow was the only thing that could carry the pain that I was releasing

I slowly and undoubtedly crumbled inside

I saw it in his eyes that things had fallen apart

Everything that was once beautiful seem to have no purpose anymore

I thought reaching up to heaven, God would lend me his hand to comfort this

Instead I crawled myself into a ball and screamed over and over again inside and out loud

How could something I believed in so strongly dissappear right in front of me

I look around and see how much damage has been made

and although I want to so badly fix it, I'm not sure how

But in the corner of my mind, a piece of him remains untainted

I shouldn't miss him but I do

I shouldn't resent him but I do

I shouldn't still be in love with him but I am